Attachment and Soulmate Love with Pauline Busson
Pauline: I’m a love coach and I help single independent women create loving and secure relationship. I do this with mostly rewiring, healing, addressing what is getting in the way that mostly comes from the subconscious or from the past. And showing them where they actually have influence and what they can do to shift the needle and create the conditions to have this relationship that they want.
I do this with one-on-one coaching and also with group program coaching. And beside that, a little bit about me personally. So I’m French, maybe you can tell by the accent. I live currently in Brazil because my partner is Brazilian. We’ve been living here for three years now, since the pandemic.
I live here with him and our two dogs and before that I’ve had quite a different career as I worked for almost 15 years as a humanitarian aid worker. All around the world mostly in emergency settings managing operation, et cetera. I had a transition through yoga, meditation to love coaching.
Cilia: It’s cool how yoga for a lot of people has been that transitional moment where you were doing something or you were on some sort of path in life, and then you go to yoga life is never the same again.
Pauline: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I started yoga because I needed it because of the stress and responsibility that I had on missions, like to stay sane, you know, and to relax. And then it became such a powerful tool that I was like, I want to go deeper.
So I started with going on a retreat, and then some at some point I was like, I wanna become a teacher mostly for myself. And then I was like, no, no, no, no, I need to share those wonderful tools that’s helped you find inner peace and being more connected with yourself. And from there, that was that.
Cilia: Mm-hmm, going deeper into that path of consciousness and self connection. And I’m sure all of that helped you personally in the realm of relationships and maybe even some of those teachings you’ve brought in with what you do now. Cause it’s so important that interconnection.
Pauline: Yeah, absolutely. For me, yeah. Before talking about, before having any idea even that love coaching existed, it was the first opportunity to connect with myself and know myself at a different level. I was very identified with who I was as a manager, working for so-and-so organization, being a doer and achiever.
So it was a way to, to find inner peace, calm, to reach a different state of consciousness and being. That’s useful of course, now for guiding my clients also into that path because it’s when you are in that space that you can make different choices when you’re not only reacting.
You can pause, you can soothe, you can heal. Also that’s the first step is always awareness, right? Awareness is such a powerful first step.
Taking Action to find “The One” vs. Surrendering
Cilia: Mmm-hmm, yeah. So how do you with your clients play with that balance of doing things to have the relationship, the yang side of it, with the yin of surrender because the man that you’re attracted to, I don’t know, might not be interested at all, you know? But you’re doing all these things to like get the man, get the woman, or person.
Pauline: Yeah, well, so there is a both. I love talking about polarity, about the two angles of yin and yang or masculine and feminine.
I’m not so much like a dating coach, like pushing them or to do so and so. But of course I encourage them to do whatever is possible for them to create opportunities to meet a person, to meet that special someone and to create a relationship. But first and foremost, the work that we do is connecting with themselves. Knowing their resources, finding their resources.
And if we go back towards yoga philosophy, I don’t know if everybody’s familiar with it, but the main, one of the main scriptures is the Bhagavad Gita and a message from there is committment. You have a goal and it’s clear.
And this I think is important when we talk about searching for love, not as a goal, like an achiever, but claiming it. Owning your longing because for most of us, and I work mostly with women and I think it’s the same for men. There is a vulnerability, there is a certain shame for some people to say, I want to be loved and I want to love to talk about love. It feels icky for some people.
So if we talk about the yang or goal is like claiming it and saying, It’s important. It’s an important need for a human and I want it. And I value my desire. And so because I value my desire to be in a relationship, I’m gonna take action. I know that it’s not gonna fall onto my lap. There’s something that I could do. I’m gonna take actions. I’m gonna put myself out there, I’m gonna try to meet people, I’m gonna give a chance, I’m gonna open up.
So these are all the thing this anyone who wants to be in a relationship can do. But of course this has to be balanced with finding peace with what is. Finding peace and acceptance with being single in the moment, enjoying being single because it’s also a beautiful journey.
So, yeah, being like, yes, I want this, I claim this, and I’m gonna get it. I believe in it. Building this belief. But in the same time, not losing yourself in the quest, not losing your life, your balance, your health, your friends, your career. No, no, you keep your balance.
You’re safely grounded in yourself, in your body, in your life. And from there, it’s like a cherry on top. It’s not somebody to complete you to make you whole. This is where the balance is achieved, is knowing that you are already whole, you have everything, and then if you want more, if you want a relationship, go for it and you can get it.
Cilia: How common do you think that is where people are, instead of living a whole life and enjoying themselves and being okay with themselves, that they’re looking for someone else? I’ve seen this a lot where people will make their decisions based on getting a partner.
Maybe they’ll eat well or go to the gym and stuff, but it’s to look hot for a partner and their whole identity is around finding that person. How common would you think that that is based on your experience?
Pauline: I would say it’s quite common, but if it’s not a partner, it can be something else. For example, I was talking about my previous career that was very fulfilling and very consuming.
So it’s finding fulfillment and finding wholeness and finding joy outside of yourself. Whether it’s for a partner or it could be in career, it can be in other thing. But I think it’s common for most of us, even if it’s not appearing like this.
I think it can be also very subtle that we are counting on somebody else to make us feel lovable and complete. To validate us this, I see this a lot. And this is explained that we pick partner that has a certain status or physical appearance or meet some part of us that are not necessarily the most healthiest part I would say, that are here to try to heal a wound. That we can heal first and foremost by ourself and then we can continue healing it in relationship.
Start where you are
Cilia: Yeah, and that’s an important piece too, that there’s healing work that you do on your own, and then when you’re in a relationship that’s aligned, there’s so… ugh, there’s so much healing that can happen in there.
Pauline: That’s right.
Cilia: Because you have that safety of like, here’s this person who fully and completely unconditionally accepts you and you’ve told them secrets that you maybe didn’t tell your ex, and they’re like, oh, okay, , that’s fine, I still love you. And I’m just speaking from my personal experience and some of the things that my friends have shared with me. There’s a lot of healing that happens in a space like that.
Pauline: Yeah, beautiful. And that’s interesting because there’s a lot of groups on relationship and there are two schools of thought. Some are like, “no, first you have to do the healing for yourself before being in a relationship.“
And others are like,” no, you on, you can only heal in a relationship” because the first wounds regarding attachment with your parents happen in a relationship.
Pauline: My point of view is both are true. That if you’re single, start healing right now. Start the work right now. And if you’re already in a relationship, you will use both.
Cilia: I love that, start wherever you are.
Pauline: Yeah. Start wherever you are. And then to go back to this first stage, awareness of what is coming up, awareness of your triggers, awareness of your fears. This will give you a hint of all the invisible construction that is underneath the patterns and the fears, like what is really happening?
What is really the story you’re telling yourself? What is the wound that is there and the work of healing those wounds and rewiring yourself to feel secure in relationship to allow yourself to go towards secure partners.
I’ve seen this in my own journey because of course I’ve done a lot of healing before being in my relationship. But I continue to work with my partner and he also has wounded parts and triggers.
And because we have this safe container, we know what’s happening. We are able, and we feel safe enough to communicate. We are able to help each other out. I also see this with clients who have entered relationship thanks to the work we’ve done together and who are stepping outside of their comfort zone to be able to say,”right now I feel super scared. I feel super vulnerable.”
And when the partner responds something like,” I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” This is a huge part of the healing.
Pauline: You can be messy and afraid, and anxious, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying here.
Cilia: And the first time you experienced that, you’re like, wait… what? Relationships like this exist?
Pauline: Yes, yes.
Cilia: It’s beautiful
Pauline: And without being boring, because I’ve had the case of clients who had this experience, and I may have had this belief at some point that there was two types of relationship. The secure one with the good guy, but boring and you don’t really wanna stay.
You can have attraction and chemistry, but you can also have comfort and safety. It’s a fine line that you always work with. To keep the mystery, to keep the desire, that’s another question. But it’s possible those partnership exists and they need to be building some security inside of you too be able to go towards these partnerships.
Being seen in what you WANT
Cilia: Mm-hmm, yeah. You mentioned earlier you talked about how with a lot of people a common thing that you see is there’s this shame or ickiness that comes up with admitting that people want someone to love. Can you speak to that more?
Pauline: Of course, I would say this was definitely my case. I was like, clearly I want a partner. But to say, to use the word love, to say, I want to be loved and it’s important, feels vulnerable. It feels vulnerable.
This is why, if I go back to the idea of setting a goal and being committed to your goal, for many women that I work with… they are independent. They’re high achieving. They set their mind on something and then they, they take the action. But suddenly when we talk about relationship, then, ah, okay, this is chaotic confusion. Scared-ness like, oh no, this feels completely out of control.
And it feels very vulnerable. It feels very scary for most of them. They wouldn’t speak in those words. It’s when we start talking that yes, those fears come up. But those fears are shown. You can tell they’re there when you see people who they attract.
Or that they would not dare writing on their dating profile, that they want something serious. This is something I check with all of them, Did you write, you want something serious?
Because it’s not natural, it feels I’m gonna be seen or exposed. What if somebody has an opinion about that? I see this a lot. A lot.
So reclaiming and saying, no, I own my desire it’s important for me. I’m okay with this. This is a huge part of also building this trust already for yourself, saying it matters to me.
Cilia: It’s important to know too, that there are so many different types of people out there who all want different things. So there’s always going to be someone that aligns with like what you’re looking for.
Cilia: For example, there’s a lot of talk out there like, oh, don’t say that you want a committed relationship. You’ll scare men away. And, yes, you will scare men away, but just the ones that don’t want that.
Pauline: Exactly, yeah. And this is a conversation I have often is what would you gain in writing this down and saying it out loud? What would you gain? Well you will gain time. We’ll stop wasting time.
And you don’t have to be fully transparent and say everything that you want on the first date, but you can hint at it and, you can save yourself some useless dates by just saying for first and foremost what you want.
Cilia: For sure
Pauline: But for this, you need to be okay, you need to be at peace with that yourself. You need to own your desires.
Relationship to self: Being your Own Lover.
Cilia: Which leads me to something I wanted to talk about: dating yourself or having a relationship with yourself.
Cilia: Because I feel like the program that you were in, that I’m currently in, I feel like that’s what it’s cultivating. It’s cultivating a relationship with you where you are your own lover. You are your own best friend. You’re getting your love, safety, and belonging from within yourself.
Pauline: Yes. Which just so beautiful. And it’s so important for me that’s remained. That’s the centerpiece of going and creating another relationship with someone else. Because what happened is that it’s not even most of us. It’s all of us. We came with what I call a blueprint of love, like some understanding of what love is.
It’s how, how much love can be safe or not. It’s coming from our childhood and no matter what kind of childhood we had– from the most loving to the most traumatic, we all have imprints that can be unsupportive. We can have some fears about intimacy, about opening up, about being abandoned, rejected.
We can have some belief that deep down we’re not worthy, we’re not enough, we’re not lovable. So all of us, like a hundred percent of the women I work with, and a few men I work with as well. We have this in the background, so this needs to be addressed. You don’t want them to color your actions because they do, whether you know it or not 95% of unconscious is driving your, your, your behaviors.
So when there’s stories of: I’m not enough, I don’t deserve love, or love is dangerous, it’s gonna influence who you attract as partner and how you show up in a relationship. Also how you run away from intimacy, how you cling and you chase all of this.
To attract and to be comfortable with a secure relationship starts with the relationship with yourself because you have control over that. This is a wonderful, wonderful journey to get to know yourself, get to know your body.
You talk about being your own lover, so yeah, there’s being your own lover, what you desire, what turns you on. This is one part, but of course, treating yourself with love because lots of people talk about self love, and I know you talk about self love also.
Pauline: I think it’s so important. And for some people, they still feel like it’s abstract that it’s like having a nice bubble bath. But it’s so much more than that. It’s so much the way you talk to yourself, the way you treat yourself, the way you catch yourself when you’re falling.
Pauline: When you’re facing setbacks and obstacles, which will happen in love in life, anytime, it’s how you take care of yourself in those moments. How you choose to look at your past, your body, your intelligence… You can look at all these pieces. And for all of this, we can be more loving with ourselves.
And from this place of, I know myself, I’m still connected with who I am. I love myself, and I know I will be there. I will have my own back no matter what. This is what for me, builds trust. And from that place of trust, if you have trust issues in relationship, then you can now open up more easily because you have this anchor, you have this solidity in yourself.
That makes it like whatever happens, if somebody ghosts me, if I get my heartbroken… I will be there for myself.
Pauline: I will be able to go through the turmoil and pick myself off the ground. I know how to do this, I’ve done it and this is what makes it. This is what for me is essential in the journey. It’s working on that self-connection, self-love to heal the worthiness wounds that may be there. To heal the mistrust or the fear of trusting that may be there.
Cilia: I think one of the things that scare people away from cultivating that self-trust and that self-love is because when you take that time to really look at yourself, every human has shadow and darkness.
Cilia: And like you said, looking at these things of how we run away from relationships or maybe like how we’ve self sabotaged or even our relationship history, when we actually sit and be honest and look at it, it can bring up a lot of like shame or maybe self-judgment.
Cilia: So if there’s anyone listening who maybe is stopped with self-love… it breaks my heart that people come to that point and it’s like, oh, I’m just a bad person. I just can’t love myself. It just breaks my heart because I think with self-love, if you have that you can do anything. Anything.
But without it… whatever is from your past, you’re just carrying it over your shoulder for your whole life, and it’s just not necessary. Can you speak to that?
Pauline: Yeah. And I get you because I’m in the same situation. I have women who come to me and who are clearly like I would love to be my best friend. I hear those things about being your own best friend, but I cannot comprehend what it means cause I’m judging myself constantly. I live with a very strong inner critic.
I’ve had clients like this and I would start wherever you are. It’s okay. There’s work you can do on your own, but then there’s work you can do with being accompanied by therapists or coaches on that specific aspect.
And that’s about unpacking, allowing yourself to go in the shadow, in the darkness. But it doesn’t have to be all dark and scary, you know, you can go step by step and unpacking those different things. For me, it comes down to stories, mental stories, that you make about yourself.
You know, a narrative about I did this, this means I’m a bad person, et cetera, so I need to look at this and in to rewrite it. And, and then the other part is the emotion that are there. So I would say it depends sometimes, like when you talk about shame and I have for example clients who haven’t been in relationship for a long time, for different reasons, and they have a strong shame about that.
They’re like, oh my God, I cannot talk about it. I’m like, no, it’s okay. There were some reasons, you know, some reason you chose, some reason that we’re conscious for example, focusing on the career. Some other reason, which is like as we all have like a baggage of history of like conditioning wounds that we inherited from our childhood or past relationship.
Or even before, we didn’t know about collective trauma but, again, there’s nothing that we cannot do. We can, this is healable. I don’t know if it’s a word in English, but shame and talking to yourself harshly, you can change that, absolutely. If there’s one message I want to say is: I’ve seen people completely change their relationship with themself in six months.
It started the results were before six months that, in six months like, wow. Earlier, I was talking about people who put all their energy in their career, often those people are people who are not able to sit with themselves. Doesn’t mean necessarily meditating, but people who have a hard time spending a weekend on their own.
Pauline: It’s because there’s this voice in their head that’s so critical and there’s this sensation in the body that we need you to be doing something. We need to get busy, we need to achieve, we need to produce.
It’s then a rewiring to be like, okay, what is inside? Let’s unpack, who is that person? Because yes, we’re gonna find the shame, we’re gonna find the stories, but we are also gonna find beautiful things. We’re gonna find joy. We’re gonna find power. We are gonna find life lessons.
We go into the shadow and what’s underneath the shadow? A lot of energy, a lot of positive things. So that makes the journey rewarding. You don’t go to the shadow just for unpacking your shame stories or grief story, but because it’s gonna free so much energy and it’s gonna make your life much more joyful and peaceful.
Changing your Attachment Style
Cilia: How much of the relationship success, would you point back to working on your relationship with your parents? Because I feel like that is a juicy one.
Pauline: That’s a good question. Not a hundred percent, but a lot. A lot. From there, from your parents, your caretaker, what you learned from there… I think it’s important to talk about this one, but I think it’s important to add the past relationship you’ve had because they can also, you know, mess you up in a way.
They can change your attachment system. But yes, mostly comes from, from childhood and relationship with the parents.
Cilia: That’s so interesting. I’ve never heard that before, that as you go onto dating, that can change your attachment system. I’m today years old, first hearing that.
Pauline: Yeah, it can change. If you’re secure with a little bit of anxious and you start a relationship with someone who is very avoidant, it can make you more anxious. Being with somebody secure can make you more secure.
So there’s two ways to change your, well, not intentionally but yes, your attachment style can change. Your relationship can affect you positively and negatively as well as the work you do on yourself. Well, I hope mostly positively. But yes, you can absolutely change it.
Cilia: That’s cool. That makes sense because we were talking earlier about how there’s healing work you can do on your own, and then within a relationship there’s healing work too. So it makes sense that a relationship has that power to change your attachment style.
And when you were talking about separating fact from story earlier, that was when the question came up in my mind of changing the parent relationship because that’s something I found very helpful in my own healing journey.
Not necessarily the relationship itself but your inner reaction to it. And one of the first things I was invited to do that really helped me was going back as far back as you can and remembering a story with a caretaker. For example, mom couldn’t come to your soccer game. And when you’re six years old, you make that mean something for example, she doesn’t love me.
As an adult, you get to go back and you can separate what you felt while still honoring it, but also see what actually happened. So in this example it could be she wasn’t there because she was maybe working so that I can afford to go to soccer, so she does love me.
Pauline: Yeah, and this can be done through the stories, but also through the body because those imprints of not being loved, not love being lovable, or that love is dangerous, that there’s a threat there.
And it’s important what you’re saying because this can come from real lack, I would say, or perceived lack. The important thing is it’s what you perceive, because the first part of the nervous system development is really before 18 months, and then it continues until you’re seven years old.
Most of your conditioning comes before a seven year old and at that age, you’re not rational. And we, I don’t know who says that, that kids are kind of narcissistic they think the world revovles around them. So if something happened, oh, it’s because of me.
If you see your parent, your mom crying because maybe the relationship with the dad is not, is not going well, you may think it’s because of me. So you start creating some narrative and then some emotions in your body, there’s something that starts being built in your nervous system, in your brain.
And so yes, we can go back. I call this the invisible construction, because it’s in my work it usually takes some time that we actually touch this and I take that time, we take the time, we don’t do this in the first session.
We start with, what is the pattern? How are things showing up? Who are you picking as a partner? How are you’re showing up in relationship? And from there we’re like, Hmm, okay, this seems like fears around intimacy. Where can it come from? And ideally we want to know it, we don’t have to know exactly the details, but we wanna have a sense of where it’s coming from.
So, questions that are interesting to ask is:
- What did you learn about love from your parent?
- What did you learn about love from your mom?
- What did you learn about love from your dad?
- What did you learn about love from your parents’ relationship together?
If I think of my clients current and past, a lot came from the relationship with the parents, you know, of allowing yourself to be seen. Knowing that love is safe. People who have abusive parents or parents with mental health issues or who had to play role in the relationship, who had to be like the mediator in the fight between the parents. There’s so many configurations
At the end, it’s mostly these two wounds that love seems terrifying or there’s something wrong with me. One of those two are usually the main wounds, I would say.
Beginning your journey to Soulmate Love
Cilia: Is there a go-to practice or something that you want to offer in this podcast for somebody to do to kind of start this journey?
Pauline: Well, maybe I can suggest two, because I love to talk about the body and the mind, the mind and the body, and to have those two approaches.
So if I think of the mind, I would start with the questions I was mentioning. I would start by inquiring, by being curious about what is going on in my love life? Am I drawn to a certain type of person? What are the patterns, what I’m seeing emerging? What I call the tip of the iceberg.
Am I experiencing the same negative emotions in relationship? Do I react similarly? Oftentimes?
So starting to to track how is there any common denominator in your relationships, in your partners, in your behaviors within relationship. And maybe wondering, where is that coming from by asking what did I learn about love as a kid from my parents?
What did I learn about love from seeing my parents and from what they share explicitly? What did I learn about love from my parents with what I learned from how they loved me or not?
Pauline: And now with the body, I will start with the simplest because I don’t wanna overwhelm anyone who is not into yoga or anything Tantric or complicated but… Bringing awareness.
The first one is really bringing awareness to your thoughts and to your construction. To your mental construction, but then practicing awareness of your body regularly. I mean, this is very general, but this is so important to be connected to how you’re feeling in your body, moment to moment.
And if you are dating and looking for love maybe noticing at key moments if you’re feeling anxious before a date, notice how the anxiety is showing up and taking deep breaths, relaxing. Or if you’re going through a heartbreak or disappointment, notice how this shows up in your body.
Just starting this simple practice start to tell your body to unwind what is there. What is there in the way and making space for what is. And we talked about being your best friend, your own lover which is allowing yourself to feel and is already huge because most of us are running in autopilot. We’re not connecting to our feeling body and not aware about all the signals that are being sent because we are afraid of those signals. We don’t want to feel uncomfortable sensations.
So start to be curious, noticing when you’re feeling joyful, when you’re feeling grateful, excited. Noticing how your body’s showing you those emotions. Also when you’re going through something maybe more difficult, noticing how your body’s is also showing you this anxiety.
So yes, maybe very general, but start paying attention to your body’s sensation moment to be intentional about that.
Cilia: I love how those two work together because you can feel for example not wanting to go out to a club to find a date, you could feel that dread. But then the mind is so powerful that the mind can start playing stories of, but if I don’t go, I’ll be single forever and da da da da da.
And I know a lot of people experience that and then they’re doing things anyways. I’ve definitely been there with friendship, for example, going out and drinking. I don’t enjoy that but I used to do it a lot because I thought that that was the only way to make friends. So it’s interesting to see whatever story the mind creates of what your body is telling you.
Pauline: Yeah. And for me, that takes me maybe to another point that is, I love the expression living life on your own terms. And I think it’s the same thing for your love life. You don’t have to go through dating apps. You don’t have to… you get to choose what you wanna think about yourself. You get to choose what you want to think about love.
When we talk about healing and rewriting those past stories, it’s taking power, taking agency back. Deciding what story you want to write. It starts with your past stories and it continues with the current stories. Knowing that the brain likes to replay past stories over and over again because it uses less energy this way.
So, yeah, catching your thoughts is, is a whole other practice that is so important to say, ” Okay, stop. No. I don’t want this pre-conditioning to keep running about how I’m supposed to behave, how a woman is supposed to behave, how much space I can take if I’m comfortable being seen. No, this is how I wanna see myself.” And creating the condition for you to go after what you want and do whatever you want.
Cilia: Yeah. I would even say that like what the body is telling you is more true than what is going on here in the thoughts.
Pauline: Yes. Yeah. Yeah.
What does self-love mean to you? (closing question)
Cilia: What does self-love mean to you?
Pauline: Self-love is the way you see yourself is seeing yourself and treating yourself, uh, with love. And that starts with acceptance. Then there’s care, there’s love, there is respect, there’s commitments.
Basically all the element that are in love. When you think of romantic love, applying that to you. I love that. It makes respect, accept, take care of yourself. I love that. Know yourself also. Yes.
And then what makes you feel the most grounded?
Closing my eyes and, and noticing how my body feels. Mm-hmm. And noticing, yeah.
Yeah, just mindful practices can be my breathing, my breath can be my, right now I’m sitting like, uh, cross-legged or I feel like this base is like really grounding me. Yeah. So yes. Connection, sitting like that too.
I love like this, so yeah. Being, being connected and, and aware of how my body is, is feeling, I would say.
Favorite Part of Womanhood (closing question)
Cilia: What is your favorite part about being a woman?
Pauline: Whew. So many things. My God. Favorite part… that’s a good question.
Cilia: You could let it land for a moment.
Pauline: That you can have incredible orgasms. I would say I love that. I’m guessing better than the men, I’m guessing. I’ll never know, but I would say I think we can have a variety of pleasure and orgasm and yeah, I would say more, more variety and expensiveness than men probably.
Cilia: Mmm, yeah. And then for everyone who’s listening where can they find you?
Where to find Pauline
Pauline: People can find me on all the regular platforms with my name put in. (Pauline Busson) I’m on Instagram, I’m on Facebook, mostly those two I would say. I offer a free discovery call for anyone who is interested in working with me to get to know each other and know how it would look like and then decide.
I have a meditation, a journey to love to help you already working on those conditioning, on those programs and, and changing that. We can put the link, or it’s on my website and you can, you can have this.
Closing Message: It’s all possible
Cilia: Perfect. And then are there any closing words or anything else you wanna add to our conversation before we close out today?
Pauline: Yes. As where we’re talking at the beginning of the conversation that everything is possible. This is something that my clients sometimes tell me at the end of the program. If you’re struggling to find love, if you are thinking it’s not possible or it’s complicated, I wanna tell you that it doesn’t have to be, and that it’s possible. It’s possible.
We talked a lot about self-love, so it’s possible to completely change your relationship with yourself and to become, you know, your best friend, your person, your soulmate. You can do that. And from that place, you can also attract, go after, and allow in a healthy, secure, loving relationship.
My message is really, it’s possible. And together with that there’s so much that you can have influence over so many things you can do that are in your power, that are possible for you to change and then allow the universe to meet you halfway.
Pauline: And then yeah, make the magic happen. But on your side, there’s already so much that you can do.
Cilia: Yeah, I love that. And all you need to start with that is having the desire, the desire to, going back to that.
Pauline: Mm-hmm, yeah. Yes, making space for the desire, because life is like this, there’s always gonna be the pull of desire and the pull of fear. And you get to decide what you want to do with the fear and with the desire.
You can decide to put more energy in the desire and with the fear– become its friend. Understand it better. You know, you’re not gonna make it disappear by snapping your finger, but if you can befriend it, that’s another story. But fuel the desire. Go after we claim it.
Cilia: Yes, I love that. I feel like that could be a whole other conversation too, the fear and desire.
Pauline: Yes. Yes. Absolutely. I love it.
Hey! I'm Cilia
Sex, Love, and Relationship coach for women who want to experience more pleasure and connection in self love & relationships
I help women ground, feel, & express freely through mindfulness, compassion, and sacred ritual so that they can feel confident, fulfilled, and HAWT!