Applying the Self Love Languages to Self Love- (Your Self Love Archetype)

I’m so excited to be back after having taken winter off to really surrender and rest. Today we are going to be talking about the self-love archetypes and  how to apply self-love in a way that actually fills your cup because it’s in alignment with your self-love language. If you don’t know what the love languages are, they were created by someone named Dr. Gary Chapman and there are five love languages.

The five love languages are:

  • Receiving gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Quality time
  • Words of affirmation
  • Physical touch

This is an important thing to look at because the way that you feel the most seen, loved, and heard by someone that you are in relationship with, whether that’s a romantic relationship or a friendship, or even a working relationship with a boss. I think these love languages apply across any type of human relating.

If you know the love language of the person you are in a relationship with, you can make sure that you are taking the actions to make them feel loved. And when you know your own love language, you know how to ask for what you need in partnership.

For example maybe your partner really loves words of affirmation and you don’t, so you don’t give this, you don’t give your partner words of affirmation. Their tank won’t be full. So the whole idea behind the love languages is filling the tank of the person you are in relationship with, in alignment with what they need.

Applying the Self Love Languages to Self Love

So when I learned this and when I started working online as a self-love coach, I was like,”Hey, why doesn’t anyone talk about using the love languages in self-love?”

Because your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have.

So I started playing with that about a year ago, I started making some reels around that topic. And I’m here to share with you some ways that you can fill your own cup based on your love language so let’s just dive into that.

First of all, your love language within relationship and your love language that applies to self-love could be different because the way that you feel your own cup by yourself might not be something that you necessarily want to receive from others over the other five love languages.

So I’ve created some self-love archetypes that I want to go over with you.

The Receiver (gifts)

The first one is the receiver. And the receiver. This is a person whose self-love language is receiving gifts, and this person really feels filled when the things that they receive or seek out for themselves has a lot of purpose and thought put behind it.

One example can be being very intentional with your closet and really thinking of your closet as like a whole system working together. And let me tell you that. So helpful. Receiving gifts is not my main love language or my self-love language. I think it’s actually like on the bottom of the list, but this piece of being intentional with my closet has really helped me.

Honestly, I think all of the love languages, it’s helpful to touch on all five of them within self-love and we’ll get to that in a second. But with being intentional with your closet, it’s just… You know, speaking from a, a woman’s perspective, I feel like it really freed me from this just like constant shopping and, and not having anything to wear, even though I was constantly shopping.

So when I instead decided to think of it as a whole working system together and be more mindful and purposeful with. Purchased, I moved away from buying trendy pieces and moved more towards buying classic shapes in classic basic colors so that everything works together and that’s just what works for me. And yeah, so if that’s something that you desire, you can dive more into that.

To know the difference between your love language and your self-love language, I have a free self-love archetype quiz here:

Another piece of receiving gifts could be taking something that you already do every day like drinking tea or coffee and getting yourself a beautiful mug for that. Or maybe investing in a very special organic coffee. Or I have this milk frother, Oh my God. It changes the game when you have a milk frother at home and you can kind of make like cafe lattes and cappuccinos is the best.

Another thing with receiving gifts could be buying yourself a little thing that really goes a long way to make you feel good like flowers, for example.

The Sensual Sovereign 🌹 (touch)

The sensual sovereign feels like their cup is the most filled when they do self-love actions that play into physical touch and sensation. An example of this could be pleasure practices like a breast massage practice which you can join my breast massage course, Heart Magick.

You could also surround your space with things that allow you to play with texture. So fuzzy blankets, fuzzy pillows. Maybe even like I’m wearing a velvet T-shirt right now. Nice, rich, luscious body oils and lotions that have smells that you enjoy…Any kind of like sensory experience, even like taking a moment, you can do this right now and wrapping your arms around yourself and hugging yourself.

You can also do EFT tapping. EFT tapping is so great. So those are some ideas. The sensual sovereign and really the, the kind of like basis and core message behind the sensual sovereign is this person feels, this person’s cup feels very filled when they take the time to connect with their body.

Because sensations is not the same as sitting there and thinking or journaling. There’s this level of being here in your head, but the sensual sovereign really needs to pull out of the head and drop down, down, down, down, down into the body. So that’s the second self-love archetype.

The Space Holder (quality time)

The main message behind the space holder archetype is having time, and this time let’s you know that you matter. You are important and you are worthy. One of my favorite examples is booking yourself in your calendar as your own client.

Anyone who might be a coach or a healer, or maybe even a fitness instructor or something like that, anyone that like provides a service to people, if that’s a service that you could also receive magic and love from: book yourself in your calendar as your own client. And even if not, even if you’re not a service provider booking that time for yourself in your calendar to just kind of like, check in and have a conversation with yourself and ask yourself, how am I feeling? Uh, what do I need right now?

Creating that intentional space and going off of that purposeful space. I’m currently, by the way, side note, which, we’ll, we’ll actually get to this in the next self-love archetype with the word I just mentioned intention, but we’ll get to that in a second.

Okay, veering it back. Another ritual for the space holder to really anchor in in their self-love language of quality time could be blocking off time in your schedule to do nothing, nothing, nothing. Nothing, just relax. Just be.

You could even make time to think, to settle, to let you know whatever you’ve been learning. Settle or let your day settle. You know, our life, our lives right now in this modern time moved so fast. So taking that space to just disconnect. Being still is so important for someone with the space holder archetype as their main self-love archetype.

Another example is taking a long walk while listening to something that you enjoy. Rather than something that like, I like to listen to lectures from courses that I’m in or podcasts, kind of like learning while I’m walking. But for the space holder, it’s important to have the time for like leisure. So that’s why I say listen to something that you enjoy, like listening to something just for the fun of having something there to listen to. So it could be a podcast you love, could be my podcast, or it could be like a playlist that you really enjoy, things like that.

The Lovely Lyricist (Words of Affirmation)

The lovely lyricist’s cup feels filled when they use words of affirmation in their self-love routines. So going back to earlier how I said the word intention, and then I stopped myself…

One kind of like method you can use is really being mindful of the words that you use, and this could be words that you use in everyday conversation. So when I stop myself with saying the word intention, I’m currently consciously uncoupling from that word intention because when you say intention, you’re saying “in tension” out loud… I have an Instagram reel that I made about uncoupling myself from the word intentional. I’ll leave that link here.

So back to the lovely lyricist: one thing that you can do if this is your self-love archetype is journaling and there’s so many different forms of journaling. I’m actually going to do another podcast episode about that because there are many forms of journaling and your girl loves to journal. I have so many full journals in my house.

I prefer a physical journal because I like that physicality of like writing it down, like kinesthetic aspect of it. I also like that in a journal because it’s not online. There isn’t someone like collecting my data about it and like reading my words. So I see it as more sacred when it’s in a physical journal.

Another thing that the lovely lyricist can use to fill their cup in their self-love routines is to be very mindful about the music that they listen to and choose music that has words that are nourishing in it.

And one of my favorite artists for that is Tony Jones. She is the best. And she basically makes affirmation music and it’s so good. It has beats and like you wanna dance to it. And I think that is a very important part for, and this is a topic for another time, but for mindset work, you really need to include your body, in my opinion, to really let things sink in.

So when you’re listening to affirmations within a song that makes you move, you’re going to, you know, integrate that into your body, into every corner of your body. And I feel like it makes it easier to really embody that truth and really get that shift from those affirm.

Another artist is named Kevin Lee and he has a song called Affirmations, it’s basically a rap song. And he just says like, Good things are coming my way. And, you know, talk, just talk about manifesting and stuff. And yeah, I wanted to give that as a suggestion for anyone here who might be a lovely lyricist.

As a lovely lyricist, you can also work on your self-talk. And since we’re talking about self-love, you can do this through journaling. You can do this, um, you know, through journaling and then reading it back and maybe asking yourself questions about certain things or like noticing certain things that you want to shift within your language, either about yourself or about the world.

This is also obviously something you can get support from, from a therapist or a coach like me or music like we mentioned, like Tony Jones. You can also do voice notes. Voice notes are really great if you don’t want to journal. Voice notes can be very helpful when your mind is just, you know, I’m thinking of a cartoon drawing where the head has just like scribbles inside.

So if your mind has like a lot and you feel very ungrounded, getting out your phone and just recording a voice note and just letting everything out can be very, especially if words of affirmation is your self-love language, because you can let out all the things you wanna let out and then take a moment to ground yourself and then speak out loud, maybe like a new story that you wanna take with you moving forward or speak out.

You know what is actually true about whatever situation you’re, you’re handling in front of you. And yeah, so those are the tips. The lovely lyricist whose main self-love language is words of affirmation. And then the fifth self-love archetype, which again, you can find out your self-love archetype with my free self-love archetype quiz in the caption or in the show notes.

The Devoted Duchess (acts of service)

The fifth one is The Devoted Duchess. This one is my self love Archetype, the Devoted Duchess. The whole message behind the Devoted Duchess is their cup feels the most filled when they take the time to take the action, to prioritize the actions that they know will make them feel good, even if at times it’s something you don’t feel like doing.

So for me, for example, the thing that I normally don’t feel like doing is strength training. I used to work out all the time from the time I was a teenager all the way up until the pandemic, and even a little bit through the pandemic, but somewhere around the end of 2020, I just like that that shift from being motivated to working out to being a little bit more sedentary started.

So one of the things I have to do as a devoted Duchess is recognize that working out makes me feel great. I recognize that movement makes me feel great. So I have some tricks up my sleeve, that I use for that. And um, one way to do that is by devoting just like 20 minutes to a strength training workout and set a timer around my phone, roll out my yoga mat, get out my weights, and just do it for 20 minutes.

And most of the time, I’ll wanna go longer. And if I’m really feeling resistance, I’ll tell myself I’m just gonna do five minutes. Another thing that helps is like the thing that you don’t wanna do, but you know, will make you feel good after you do it. Asking yourself, how can you bring more fun into it?

For example, you can do your dishes if you do your dishes and you don’t pay someone else to do your dish. You can do your dishes in total silence, or you can do your dishes by listening to your favorite album and shaking your booty while you scrub those dishes or while you put ’em in the dishwasher, and that could be a really good way to do an act of service of pouring love into your physical environment for yourself and filling your cup that way if devoted duchess is your self-love archetype

Connecting with this archetype of the Devoted Duchess can also be a good way to slow down and get connected with your divine feminine energy.

Closing Thoughts

I think it’s important for anyone and everyone to touch on all five of these love languages regularly within your self-care. Those five love languages again are:

  • gifts
  • physical touch
  • acts of service
  • words of affirmation
  • quality time

And some of those kind of can be under the same umbrella. For example, acts of service, quality time, and touch and words of affirmation those three the same actions can fit under that umbrella because, for example, a pleasure practice, like a breast massage practice that can fall under physical touch, obviously because it’s a physical body-based practice, but it’s also an act of service. It’s also you taking that quality time to connect with your body and it could also be a gift because you could buy yourself a breast massage course like mine, Heart Magick (find out more here)

Another example is like journaling could be considered an act of service, obviously words of affirmation, taking quality time for yourself. And it can also be considered a gift if you bought yourself a very nice journal or whatever journal, like buying yourself any journal, that’s a gift for yourself. And um, maybe you buy yourself a special pen or any pen like that, that is a gift and such a blessing to even have access to those.

One main takeaway that I wanna share with you if you want to deepen your self-love practices is to, first off, start small. I know everyone says to start small, but really, five minutes of something that you do for yourself goes a long way. And it’s a start. It’s, it’s a step in the right direction.

But mainly too is like starting with what you already have. What is something that you already do in your life? Probably brushing your teeth, so how can you infuse even more self-love into brushing your teeth?

You can do that by adding on something that you do right after you brush your teeth and having, like brushing your teeth, be that kind of like trigger to move on to the next habit. Or you can take the time and space of you brushing your teeth and infuse presence into it by anchoring into your breath as you brush your teeth by. Noticing where your feet are when you brush your teeth by maybe doing a whole little like body scan, noticing your head, noticing your throat, noticing your heart, noticing your belly as you’re brushing your teeth by maybe you decide to have like a special song that you always brush your teeth to.

There’s so many ways you can start by infusing more self love into your day. And I think it all comes down to enjoyment. Enjoying yourself, having that pleasure of just like making the things in life that you already do every day that might feel mundane, making that more fun. And that’s something that almost, I think that’s something that anyone can do no matter where you are in the world.

I hope that this episode serves you, and I hope that it got you thinking about self-love in a new way. If you want to dive deeper and you want to find out your self-love archetype, take my free quiz below:

I also have on my Instagram, my Instagram handle is self-express babe. I have a guide there. I don’t know if anyone’s still uses guides on Instagram. I feel like they’ve kind of been forgotten. They’re like the forgotten middle child of Instagram. But I have a guide where I’ve saved all of my reels that I’ve done about self-love language. And each reel is a different love language with ideas of what you can do to fill your own cup, if that is your self-love language.

If you know that physical touch is your self-love language or acts of service or quality or even the receiving gifts, or even the words of affirmation, cuz they do do journaling in there. I invite you to join me in Heart Magick. Heart Magick is a breast massage and embodiment course for women and it really is about getting home, coming back home to your body, grounding yourself into your heart, connecting with your breasts there’s so much in there to support you in whatever comes up within that practice.

Thank you so much for joining me today, and I will see you in the next episode. Byeeee!

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Hey! I'm Cilia

Sex, Love, and Relationship coach for women who want to experience more pleasure and connection in self love & relationships

divine feminine selfie

I help women ground, feel, & express freely through mindfulness, compassion, and sacred ritual so that they can feel confident, fulfilled, and HAWT!

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